The Greatest Most Accurate Predictions about Social Media Ever Made


SocialPredict

Bank on these predictions coming true in 2013.  Guaranteed.

(Or your money back.)

Facebook can’t monetize and decides to shut down operations

  • Every gray-haired CMO says, “I told you so”
  • Zuckerberg announces new social network called Stalkbook for guys to share photos of girlfriends in bikinis
  • All the cows die in Farmville

Twitter increases character count to 212,758, which is the same number of words in Moby Dick

  • U.S. literacy increases by 74 percent after the first three months
  • Online sarcasm dies

Content curators are forced to share revenue with the actual content creators

  • Supreme Court laughs like hyenas after hearing the argument that “curation is an art form”
  • Curation officially made a synonym of “thievery”
  • Ariana Huffington breaks down weeping on “The View”

A celebrity sends out a controversial tweet and retracts it

  • Blames the initial tweet on “not keeping up with the news”
  • Within hours blames administrative assistant
  • Then checks into a substance abuse center in Los Angeles

Instagram solves world hunger

  • Captures the whole thing with a vintage filter
  • Sets its sights on curing AIDS in 2014

Apple announces iExpression to replace people’s faces with an interactive screen

  • Siri will answer for you when you’re sleeping
  • Retina display technology replaces actual retinas
  • New iExpression cases allow for people to become blondes, brunettes, redheads or black plastic

Any predictions of your own to add?

Links:

The “Like” Button Needs Some Friends

How To Spot a Social Media Consultant

77 Responses to “The Greatest Most Accurate Predictions about Social Media Ever Made”

  1. Poor farmville cows :(

  2. Twitter changes hashtag signifier changes from # to $. (Ke$ha sues for copyright infringement.)

  3. Bethesda invents real-life save-and-load button. This is off-topic…I’d love it, though. Maybe.

  4. A small computer hardware company launches the Gastromatic, a gadget that translates the sound of a human belch into readable text and then uploads it to the site of the user’s choice. Tech blogs predict that the Gastromatic will replace keyboards by 2021.

    Having lost in the Supreme Court, many group blog owners abandon their charges and found a new blog, “Curate Space.” Every post is the same: “All of you are abysmal writers, but we’ll allow you to write here, anyway.” After a weak launch, the project gains a significant boost after raising $1.23 million on Kickstarter.

    As social media fatigue sets in, many young people look to new ways to express themselves. One such group are “spaceshooters,” who eschew all forms of digital communication and instead send messages to each other by wrapping them around Nerf projectiles. In response, Nerf announces its intention to build a foam bow that can fire across the Atlantic. Tech blogs predict that Nerf bows will replace cell phones by 2023.

    Indie gaming is finally recognized as art with the release of “…And A Ham Sandwich on Rye.” In this game, the player must manipulate a control stick to turn a crank while his or her avatar ages in real time. Critics laud the game for its gorgeous graphics and for its subtle yet unmistakable references to William of Orange’s campaign for Holland’s independence.

    In a move that shocked everyone, the next big trend on YouTube proved to be videos of people aiming toy guns at obsolete pieces of technology. The trend comes to mainstream attention after a video of a man shooting a Nintento Zapper at a Betamax Deck hits 10 million views. It is believed to be the first video to go viral via spaceshooting.

  5. the apple screen reminds me of the jetsons episode where jane is “skyping” with someone early in the a.m., and the other lady sneezes blowing away her screen and showing what she really looked like…..it was funny….had to be there? :)

  6. Tae,

    That is awesome.

    -Soul Walker

  7. Mr. Snell,

    I have no predictions except that you will continue to be hilarious.

    -Soul Walker

  8. I plan to put this list on my fridge and check them off as they happen. Because they will.

  9. The Angry Birds will get anger management therapy and go to couples counseling with the rehabilitated Bad Piggies.

  10. Angry Birds become fried chicken. Sorry. I will talk to my administrative assistant about that one.
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  11. Thank you all. Great additions to the predictions!

  12. Always fun to read the future as hilariously outlined here. Congrats on well deserved FP!

  13. Facebook becomes self aware. Human race is “De-friended”

  14. I love this post. Have you tried amazon for your blog? Somehow I managed it, it’s great!
    My blog
    UK – http://t.co/I4WLBuCP

    Outside UK – http://t.co/q7eY5ClP

  15. Haha! Comment on Ke$ha LOL!
    … & Farmville haha!
    Funny!

  16. Oh this is f-ing GREAT! LOL!

    I like JD’s comment above, “Facebook becomes self-aware.”

  17. Disney will buy Florida and become declared as an independent country.

  18. Haha great list some rining very true, well done for getting freshly pressed.

  19. “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” –Albert Einstein, unwitting fortune teller

  20. Hahaha! I can’t wait for FB to become self aware and “defriend” me. Facebook happens to be the fake tits of my social life, anyway.
    I’m linking this in my blog. So funny!

    http://v2812.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/forget-about-facebook/

  21. Social media does have a way of drastically changing the culture that we live in, I try to stay out of it because it seems that everything can be reduced to an algorithm and manipulated, everything a person does online, which is why my job at http://www.playgroundentertainmentgroup.com really does scare me sometimes

  22. That. Was. Wonderful.

  23. You got that right about FB!

  24. LOL You’ve pretty well covered it all, I think, and it was, indeed, wonderful!

  25. Let’s hope PETA doesn’t catch wind of the cows on Farmville dying. Poor little mites. :P

  26. Love this! Not sure if I’d want every single one to come true, but…

  27. haha great list! I especially love the image of all the Farmville cow apocalypse–now that would be a true tragedy! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  28. You know the Pic’s with little ones “Like and Suzy gets a new heart” ,there will be a new medical center built just for occasions like that.State of the art facilities with the brightest and the best from the top medical schools in the world.Dedicated staff will be there to care for the most difficult cases.No insurance?That is ok,because payment is taken in Likes and Shares.Dr wants 1,000,0000 likes,or Suzy will die.

  29. Reblogged this on Scott Le Roy Marketing and commented:
    Spot on truth!

  30. “Instagram solves world hunger” – new technology released allowing photographs of food to become reality, perhaps? Certainly enough foodie photos on Instagram to feed millions.

  31. hahaha… nice and entertaining

  32. i loved the iExpression. Just hope it comes in black and white versions….

  33. Hilarious post! Thanks for giving us a good laugh. :=)

  34. Great post! Made me laugh quite audibly (or LOL???!).

  35. Love these, so freaking clever. :) Really awesome job…and we’re not being sarcastic.

  36. The Greatest Most Accurate Predictions about Social Media Ever Made can not be a true statement as there are more being made at this moment don’t you think?

  37. So entertaining! I do hope for this one “Instagram solves world hunger” Great Post by the way. Well deserved on FP! Good Luck! :-)

  38. prosewithabbitude January 8, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    Facebook, Twitter and MySpace will all merge to become MyTwitFace.

  39. Full colour flyers printed and delivered with Canada Post to any area in the GTA for as low as 3 cents per flyer. Contact me here for details: gtaflyer@gmx.com

  40. Hilarious!
    Please predict that Facebook rids itself of the odious Timeline. Ugh. Facebook is the place we all love to hate but it’s almost become like family and blood is thicker than water.
    My suggestion? Let’s return to the vintage practice of passing handwritten notes in class to our real flesh friends. Hmmm….do we have any????

  41. Pinterest is sued by Susie Homemaker for discrimination by way of setting unrealistic DIY social standards… and Pinterest’s defense attorney, John Doe, still doesn’t know what Pinterest ACTUALLY is.

  42. Blogger finally peels herself out of virtual world, and discovers there are no real people anymore? Oh…is that just me? Maybe I should go outside once in a while….

  43. Ah, its the world we live in, if you’re not in, you don’t exist!

  44. Reblogged this on The Artists Blog of… and commented:
    SOCIAL MEDIA Advice at it’s finest!

  45. Thanks for the great insight! :) I’ve just started blogging… http://www.theartistsblogof.wordpress.com

  46. I can’t wait for these predictions to come true!

  47. Facebook will unfriend instaram and suddenly everyone’s drab lives will be exposed in the true colours they actually are!

  48. Reblogged this on vizualbusinessbd.

  49. Just click iFood app for foodies you like no need to leave your house to dine out. ;)

  50. Reblogged this on blush50s and commented:
    Nothing is impossible these days, read on from a blogger Mr. George F. Snell III at High Talk.

  51. I can’t stop laughing!!!!!!!!!

  52. Hilarious. An app that prevents you from putting up statuses and tweets that nobody really cares about on Facebook and Twitter.

  53. This is great! My fav is the iExpression one! Thank you for the laugh. I needed it today :-)

  54. Reblogged this on Lane Elaborates… and commented:
    I’m posting this because I think that it pertains to my Social Media class I am currently taking.

  55. hahaha! hilarious! i agree with your twitter predictions. twitter will surely cause celebrities to break down in tears.

  56. All the cellphones break and people are forced to talk to each other face to face yet don’t know how without saying “LOL” and “OMG”. Millions of cats on Youtube are out of work.

  57. Mark Zuckerberg to run for US Presidency. That is all.

  58. haha, All the cows die in Farmville… actually, all the cows are beginning to grow old already..

  59. I like this blog. It’s really cool.

    P.S. Want to learn how to make money with your blog? Go here to find out more. http://earncashathomeideas.com

  60. I actually LOLed… Actually. Great post!

  61. Facebook will diversify by referencing other body parts, join with My Space, and launch “My ButtLog”…LinkedIn will join in, and Google will try to clean up the hole mess!

  62. MySpace joins with Match.com to build “OurSpace.com”. Instead of “poke” they will use “nag” and “cheat” as options.

    You are an awesome writer and i loved this – laughed out loud on the twitter character increase to match Moby Dick’s total words. I’m a follower for life. Check out my blog too!!

  63. Thanks, Mike. I appreciate you kind words and will definitely be checking out your blog.

  64. Great stuff. Thanks !

  65. Reactolite glass eyes

    Alcohol patches (hold on – there here already aren’t they?

  66. Reblogged this on Hollywood Pop Candy and commented:
    Loved this.

  67. MySpace overtakes Facebook;
    * Every gray-haired CMO says, “I told you so”
    * Richard Murdoch snaps up Facebook at $0.09 a share.
    * Facebook and MySpace merge – implosion wipes out server farm in Arizona.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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  2. Forget About Facebook | Vesper 28/12 - January 7, 2013

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